Effective communication is critical to maintaining healthy relationships. It goes beyond simply asking your partner how their day went or what they are thinking about. Rather, it involves actively listening, understanding, and fulfilling your partner’s needs. Communication is the foundation of every relationship and is essential to keeping partners together. As relationship expert Esther Perel notes, “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.” Therefore, it is essential to cultivate effective communication skills to improve the quality of our relationships.
According to Terry Real, a renowned therapist and author of “The New Rules of Marriage,” the most critical factor in determining the success of a relationship is how well the couple communicates. Good communication involves the ability to listen and communicate openly and honestly, as well as the ability to empathize with your partner’s emotions and needs. Real emphasizes the importance of being able to communicate in a way that allows both partners to feel heard, understood, and validated.
There are several ways to develop effective communication skills in relationships. The first step is to cultivate honesty and openness in your communication. This means voicing your true feelings and opinions and making them clear to your partner. When both partners can communicate openly and honestly, trust and security in the relationship are enhanced. Open communication creates new levels of closeness between partners, as they can understand each other’s perspectives and work together to find solutions to problems.
Another important aspect of effective communication is a commitment to true connection. This involves using a variety of communication tools, including physical, written, and verbal skills, to connect with your partner on a deeper level. Effective communication is not just about talking and making conversation; it is about actively listening and understanding your partner’s thoughts and feelings. It involves offering your support and making your partner feel valued and loved.
It is also important to identify your communication style and understand how to use it effectively in your relationship. There are four main communication styles: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. Passive communicators tend to avoid conflict and may struggle to express their true feelings. Aggressive communicators can be loud and intense but may have difficulty making meaningful connections with others. Passive-aggressive communicators use sarcasm and other indirect means to avoid confrontation, while assertive communicators can express their needs and emotions clearly and respectfully. Understanding your communication style and learning how to use it effectively can help you and your partner to communicate more effectively.
Discovering and understanding the six basic human needs is also an essential aspect of effective communication. These needs are certainty, variety, significance, connection and love, growth, and contribution. Identifying these needs can help you understand what is important to you and your partner and how to communicate in a way that fulfills these needs. For example, if your partner values certainty, you may need to communicate in a way that provides reassurance and stability. If your partner values growth, you may need to communicate in a way that encourages personal and spiritual growth.
Finally, it is essential to determine if your partner’s needs are being met through effective communication. This involves asking the right questions and listening carefully to your partner’s responses. It is important to avoid misinterpreting your partner’s communication and to restate their responses to ensure that you have understood them correctly.
In a nut shell, effective communication is the foundation of healthy relationships. It requires honesty, openness, empathy, and a commitment to true connection. Understanding your communication style, identifying the six basic human needs, and determining if your partner’s needs are being met are all essential aspects of effective communication. Cultivating these skills can help you and your partner to communicate more effectively, build stronger connections, and ultimately sustain a healthy and fulfilling relationship. As the American psychologist, Carl Rogers once said, “When I can be myself with someone, that’s beautiful.”
Credit: Eunice Dacosta Gyebi
