Whispers That Become Roars: How Lies Become Truths and Destroy Lives [FEATURE]

In recent times, I have found myself in a number of conversations where some individuals confidently narrated stories or “incidents” involving others. They weren’t gossiping maliciously; they were narrating what they had “heard.” What struck me most was that neither I nor the person speaking had been present during the said events. Yet, there was such conviction in the tone, such certainty in the delivery, that it was tempting to accept their words as truth.

However, I had an opportunity to verify some facts, and what I discovered made me deeply uneasy; they didn’t add up. That moment made me pause. I felt uncomfortable—not just because the story wasn’t true, but because I realised how easily someone’s image, years of hard work, quiet integrity, and genuine effort could be undermined by something inaccurate.

The stories were, at best, half-truths and, in some cases, complete falsehoods. I have had to excuse myself from such conversations politely, and on some occasions, I openly prevented them from continuing. I was not going to be part of a chain damaging people’s lives and reputations based on speculation, assumptions, or outright lies. It wasn’t because I was trying to be a saint. It was simply because I saw and have experienced firsthand what words could do to ruin a reputation; hence, after a conversation with a friend who also narrated to me some hearsay a relative had told about many people, including me, she had to stop the relative and defend my honour because at best she knew firsthand what was being spoken about. I was fortunate to have had an advocate in that moment, but some questions that lingered in my spirit were, What about the others?, and What about the many people who were not able to defend themselves?, Will they have an advocate as well when narratives are retold? What becomes of them when their names are casually tossed into gossip, their characters picked apart by people who hardly know them? These questions urged me to put my thoughts into writing.

This experience is not unique to me. It is a sad reflection of our society how we tend to elevate rumours to the status of facts, especially when the source is from someone we deem influential or trustworthy. In today’s hyper-connected world, a lie, once whispered by someone of perceived importance or influence, can travel faster than lightning. Before long, it is repeated so often, so confidently, and in so many circles that it morphs into what people accept as truth.

This social phenomenon, known as the “Illusory Truth Effect”, is not new, but its consequences have become increasingly dire in an era where perception often outweighs reality.

When Influence Fuels Falsehoods

In many corporate institutions, a senior executive’s offhand comment about a colleague can set off rumours. Suppose a departmental head implies that a team member is incompetent or dishonest; without a proper investigation, others begin to view the person through this distorted lens. The person’s career stagnates because opportunities dry up, and relationships in the workplace become strained. By the time the truth emerges, perhaps through an audit or external intervention, the damage will have been done. The individual may have lost credibility, self-esteem, and, in some cases, their job.

In other instances, as power and recognition serve as currency, some individuals are willing to bankrupt others to enrich themselves. In the scramble for promotions, visibility, or favour from top management, it is not uncommon for individuals to fabricate or distort information about their colleagues. A colleague might hint that someone isn’t a team player, while another might suggest that someone else is cutting corners. Soon, without any formal report or investigation, a narrative builds. What begins as a subtle comment can escalate into a whisper campaign. The person on the receiving end may not even be aware of what’s happening. However, they begin to notice fewer invitations to meetings, their input is overlooked, opportunities pass them by, and they are left wondering what has changed, unaware that it was a story, not their performance, that shifted perceptions. This narrative was designed to erode trust, orchestrated by someone with greater clout or any individual who may not have a good relationship with the person, and then shared with someone with greater clout, with the intent of manipulating the storyline. Yet, sometimes, these actions do not stem from malicious intent. Often, fear, competition, or misunderstanding drives these quiet conversations. Nevertheless, the impact remains.

In churches and other religious organisations, we see similar patterns. A respected leader may suggest that someone “is not spiritually upright or morally impure” or “is rebellious to the Lord or the course of society because they saw it in the spirit.” This simple insinuation, without proof or clarity, is enough to alienate the person from the community. The accused may find themselves shunned, whispered about, or even publicly rebuked, and in some instances, excommunicated, all based on hearsay. If the truth eventually emerges, the scars of social rejection often remain years later.

In associations and clubs, elections or committee appointments often become breeding grounds for toxic gossip. To discredit rivals, some individuals fabricate stories regarding mismanagement or past behaviour, aware that mere repetition can transform suspicion into “fact,” which we see often in the country.

Even within friendship groups, I have often observed how minor distortions or an individual’s biased retelling of a conflict can fracture bonds that have lasted for decades. When someone misrepresents an argument or injects their bias into a disagreement, others, trusting the source, are inclined to side with them. A friend who establishes boundaries may be labelled as “proud.” One disagreement can be contorted into a character flaw. A single misunderstanding, changed into a narrative, can dismantle relationships and breed lasting enmity. More often than not, the person on the receiving end of the deception may never have the opportunity to defend themselves.

Many of us have either seen or gone through the heartbreak of friends becoming cold because of what “someone said.” These unverified stories gain momentum when the person sharing them has charisma, influence, or perceived credibility.

We forget that what we say carries weight, especially when it concerns someone who isn’t in the room to speak for themselves. Even if they are present, the untruths may have been shared previously, leading them to choose silence with the notion that “Silence is Golden.” Sometimes, even the storyteller may not realise they are shaping another person’s reputation.

So, What Can We Do? A Call to Thoughtful Listening and Speaking

We may not be able to stop every rumour or reverse every false impression, but we can each be more intentional in how we listen, speak, and respond. Here is a simple guide to aid in listening but preventing the spread. This is a practice I have used over the years, and it has helped me.

1. Pause & Reflect Before You Repeat and Verify Before You Amplify: Ask yourself,

• Do I really know this to be true?

• Was I present, or am I repeating something third-hand?

• Could there be another side to the story?

If the issue truly concerns you,

• Verify it from credible sources.

• Speak directly to the individual involved if appropriate.

• Cross-check with neutral parties.

Even if you trust the source, it’s worth remembering that everyone sees through their own lens. Pausing gives us time to be fair.

2. Let Curiosity Replace Assumption: Instead of concluding and saying, “He’s like that,” try saying, “I wonder what’s really going on.” Sometimes, what looks like arrogance is actually anxiety. What looks like laziness might be burnout. If you feel the urge to discuss someone, ask yourself if you’ve tried to understand them first.

3. Stop the Spread: If you suspect something might be untrue, let the conversation end with you. You don’t need to be a megaphone for gossip or unverified claims. “I’d rather not discuss this unless we have all the facts” is a powerful way to shut down harmful narratives. Also, do not go about trying to re-share those stories and, in the process, adding your own version of what you heard—more lies.

4. Speak Kindly-Even When You’re Unsure: Remember that you can disagree with someone without tearing them down. You can express concern without making accusations. You can be honest without being harsh. And sometimes, silence is the kindest response, so keep quiet and do not add what you have also heard from the grapevines.

5. Defend the Absent: Would you want an advocate when a falsehood is being spread about you? If yes, then be an advocate. If someone is being spoken about unfairly, it takes courage, but it is right to say;

• “I don’t think that’s the full story.”

• “That doesn’t sound like the person I know”

• “I think we should give them the benefit of the doubt.”

• “Let’s not judge until we know more.”

• “Maybe we shouldn’t continue this conversation without them being here.”

You don’t have to start an argument. Just your gentle redirection can shift the tone of the room. Standing in the gap can slow the momentum of a damaging lie.

6. Be a Safe Person- the one who protects reputation: Let people know you’re not a vessel for gossip. Be the kind of friend or colleague others feel safe with because they know you won’t carry or spread harmful stories. Let people feel lighter after talking to you, not more weighed down. And just as you would want others to defend you in your absence, be the person who refuses to tear others down. Remember, in protecting someone’s name, you protect your integrity.

7. Acknowledge and Apologise if You Got It Wrong: We are all human. We make mistakes sometimes. Therefore, if you realise you repeated something that turned out to be false, it’s okay to say, “Hey, I found out what I said wasn’t accurate. I am sorry.” Owning our words builds trust and makes space for healing.

In a world where hearsay travels faster than truth, we often forget the damage a single unverified story can cause. Projects crumble, relationships dissolve, and reputations built over years are ruined, sometimes in minutes. Before you pass along what you’ve heard, pause and reflect: remember how it felt when falsehood was spoken about you. Think of the opportunities, connections, and trust you lost because someone chose gossip over grace.

The Scriptures remind us in Colossians 4:6: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone”. Our words are not just sounds; they are tools that can build or break. So choose wisely. Let your words heal, not harm. And if a lie must die, let it die with you.