“Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.” Psalm 127:3 (KJV).
Every parent desires to give birth, but the ultimate question is how to train the child to become what God has destined him or her to be. Proverbs 22:6 KJV admonishes guardians to “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This denotes that the upbringing of a child is crucial in his adulthood. I had always loved being a media personnel so when the time came for me to opt for a career path – media school became my beacon, though my guardian preferred a different vocation. Upon declaring my reason, he became convicted of it.
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, “Assertive” means “expressing opinions or desires strongly and with confidence, so that people take notice. It’s about standing up for oneself or asserting one’s rights or beliefs in a confident and self-assured manner while still respecting the opinions and boundaries of others”.
As an agent of Socialization, Parents are the first point of contact for children’s nurturing because much time is spent with them hence the responsibility of creating an assertive generation lies heavily on them. In this regard, Parent need to equip themselves with needed knowledge and exposure that can aid them in assimilating and socializing their children on how to stand up for themselves. Aiding children to be assertive will create a supportive and empowering environment where children feel encouraged to voice their opinions and make decisions autonomously.
A Guardian will rhetorically inquire – How then can parent train their wards to be assertive? Guardians need to heal from their childhood traumas so they do not inflict pain as a result of their experiences.
According to Dr. Aubrey’s journal on “RAISING AN ASSERTIVE CHILD”, she posited that in nurturing Children to be assertive, parents need to:
Model Assertive Behaviour. Parents can model assertiveness when interacting with family members, friends, colleagues, etc. Acting in aggressive or passive ways yourself will almost guarantee your children will behave the same way.
Coach your kids directly by helping them figure out situations as they come up. If your child comes home from school crying because another child teased her on the bus, tell her how to handle the situation assertively. If your child is being excluded from a game, coach him on how to speak up and stand up for himself.
Don’t tell them how to feel. Quite often, we say things like, “Isn’t this fun?” “Aren’t you excited about this?” Instead, express how you feel and ask them how they might be feeling. Ask them genuine questions to help them develop their own opinions and not be afraid of stating them.
Teach them the confidence stance. Head up, shoulders back, walk tall, and make eye contact. Shy and anxious children often slouch. Play games to teach your children the confidence stance.
Role-play scenarios that will help your children respond with confidence. Teach them to say no if they don’t feel comfortable doing something others may be asking them to do.
Be a democratic household. Hold debates. Use family meetings. Listen to each child (it doesn’t mean you agree with them). When kids know their opinions count, they are more likely to speak out and feel comfortable doing it.
Acknowledge assertiveness. Let your child know you value people who speak their minds. Reinforce your child’s assertiveness. “I like how you spoke up!” Encourage those confident, assertive behaviours in your child.
Find less domineering friends. If your child is a bit more timid and always hangs around a bossy playmate, provide him the opportunity to find a less domineering pal. Watch out for domineering siblings as well. Always encourage your more passive child to speak.
Talk about rights. Children need to know that their opinions are valued and that they have the right to speak their minds. Visual cues are always useful when helping kids work on difficult social interaction skills. Sit with your child and create a list of rights for kids. Start with the basics: You have the right to say no, and you have the right to feel and express anger. (These are a great place to start.) Encourage your child to add to the list and create a poster for his room.
Teaching “I” statements to communicate how your child feels, what they think, and what they want or need. Using “you” statements can sound argumentative. For example, telling a parent, “You always remind me about my chores on Wednesdays when you know I have a lot of homework,” has a very different tone from “I’m feeling pressured because I have a lot of homework tonight. Can I do those chores tomorrow?”
Avoid shutting them down. Children ask so much of us. Sometimes it can be difficult to not say “no” as soon as they make a request. Whenever possible, praise your child for coming to make a request and provide an explanation for your answer. Sometimes, they just need to know it is OK to ask.
Support healthy risks. Encourage your child to try new activities and take up new hobbies. Cheer them on and resist the urge to rescue them at the first sign of distress. Kids need to learn that skill acquisition takes time.
Provide early leadership opportunities. Provide opportunities for your child to be a member of a team, take charge of a project, or lead others. You might enrol your child in public speaking or theatre to build confidence in speaking in front of others.
To illustrate how a Parent can practicalize the above engagement, assume as a guardian you have hired a Piano Teacher for your 10-year child but anytime the Piano Tutor arrives for a lesson, your child drags his or her feet to prepare, follow, or avail himself to be taught. Instead of getting angry or beating the child, sit with the child and interact on why his demeanour changes when it is time for his Piano lessons. Listen attentively to reason with the child so you can be informed as to whether you need to change the teacher, change the type of instrument he is learning, or take any suitable action that can foster a healthy output for the child. Encouraging such an approach will aid the child in determining when to say “no” when an action or activity goes against his or her rights; it boosts the confidence of the child’s decision-making abilities.
On the flip side, not socialising children to be assertive, can result in immorality, robbery, and other social vices that will affect the future of the child.
A Family Life Consultant, Catherine Onwioduokit on “TV 3 New Day” shared that by not providing a conducive environment for children, they will gravitate towards where they feel loved and accepted. “Just as the fishes thrive only in water and the birds only in the air, the only conducive environment for a child to grow is a loving home”. “Not just providing security and safety getting parents to realise that children have needs which may not just be physical or material but the greatest need of a child is an emotional need,” she explained.
An emotionally stable individual is in the right frame of mind to be assertive on what he or she deems fit for his or her life hence parents are admonished to embrace a deeper relationship with their children so they can be aided when the need arises.
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