Prince’s character wasn’t always like this. When he first met Mr. Bruce, he was meticulous, respectful, and attentive. He listened more than he talked and would stand when his boss entered. He used polite words like “please” and “thank you” as if his future depended on them, which it did. These behaviours earned him recognition. In just two years, Prince rose from an entry-level position to a trusted assistant with access to important meetings and information before they were publicly announced. Mr. Bruce would even call him late at night, not just for work but to talk. That marked the beginning of his transformation.
Initially, the change was subtle. Prince stopped standing when Mr. Bruce entered and started finishing his sentences. He soon began interrupting during meetings, albeit with good intentions, saying things like, “Sir, I already handled that,” or, “No need to worry about that. I told them what to do.” He also laughed louder at private jokes and began calling him “Boss” publicly, and sometimes “My guy” privately. One afternoon, during a meeting with senior executives, Prince leaned back and said, “Relax, sir, I’ve got this.” The room went silent, and although Mr. Bruce said nothing, something had changed.
Favour rarely leaves loudly; it gradually fades. Prince realised he was no longer included in some meetings, and decisions he once helped shape were now made without his input. The late-night calls ceased. Eventually, a new assistant was introduced, young, intelligent, and respectful. Prince trained him, and through this process, he recognised himself as the version of himself who once understood boundaries.
One might ask what familiarity is.
Familiarity is the state of being a close acquaintance through knowledge or repeated experience. It often means recognising, understanding, or feeling comfortable with a person, place, idea, or situation because it has been encountered before.
Familiarity, when unmanaged, erodes structure, and structure is what sustains respect. Every relationship carries an inherent hierarchy: boss and employee, mentor and mentee, pastor and member. When familiarity overrides this structure, clarity is lost, and with it, respect weakens. It also breeds assumptions. You begin to assume access, permission, and understanding. You stop asking and stop checking. Over time, it reduces perceived value because people tend to undervalue what feels common. When your presence becomes too casual, it loses its weight, and so does the authority of the person you relate to. Then comes overreach: speaking when you shouldn’t, acting without instruction, or representing authority you were never given.
We see this pattern repeatedly in everyday life. The employee who jokes too freely with the CEO forgets that others are watching, and soon leadership begins to question their professionalism. The church member who becomes too close to the pastor starts correcting him publicly or ignoring protocol, eventually losing trust and access. The mentee who once showed gratitude begins to act entitled, saying, “we are like family now,” shifting from learning to demanding. Even in friendships, familiarity can erode respect, leading to careless words and dismissive attitudes under the guise of closeness. In all these cases, the problem is not closeness; it is the loss of regard.
Closeness is not a substitute for respect; it is a test of it. Respect preserves dignity, both yours and theirs. It upholds boundaries that protect the relationship and ensure its longevity. Many relationships do not collapse because of conflict but because of gradual erosion. The wise understand that the closer you get to someone, the more intentional you must be in how you treat them.
To avoid crossing the line, one must practice discipline. There must be a constant awareness of both the individual’s personal and positional identities. Your boss may be friendly, but they are still your boss. Your mentor may laugh with you, but they still carry authority in your development. Language must be managed carefully because tone signals boundaries. What is acceptable in private may not be appropriate in public, and familiarity should never be displayed in a way that undermines authority before others.
Access must never be mistaken for permission. Being close to decision-making does not mean you are the decision-maker. Gratitude must remain visible because familiarity often kills appreciation. And most importantly, one must learn to mirror but never exceed the level of informality set by the senior person.
There are moments when relationships genuinely evolve beyond a rigid hierarchy, but this transition is never self-declared. It is observed. It happens when the senior person consistently initiates informality, even in structured environments, and explicitly grants relational access beyond professional proximity. It is seen when there is mutual accountability rather than strictly top-down authority, and when familiarity does not diminish respect in any setting. Even then, familiarity must remain situational. You may be informal in private, but structured in public. You may be close relationally, yet still functionally disciplined.
This is where the discipline of “pulling the plug” becomes critical. Even when you have entered what many call a “sonship” or inner-circle zone, you must know when to revert to honour and structure. Roles never disappear entirely, no matter how close you become. Ignoring them creates confusion and invites disrespect. Others are always watching, and your behaviour teaches them how to engage with authority. Misplaced familiarity can destabilise entire systems. More importantly, access is sustained not by closeness but by honour. Without intentional restraint, familiarity can breed contempt, turning what was once valued into something taken for granted.
Prince did not lose his job, but he lost something more subtle: his weight. The weight his words carried, the weight of his presence, the weight of favour. And once lost, weight is difficult to regain. Familiarity itself is not the problem. It becomes dangerous only when it is unmanaged, when it replaces honour with assumption, and when it allows comfort to override discipline.
Do not be like Prince. Do not lose favour because of familiarity, because the wisest people understand this early: that you can be close, but you must never become casual about what should be honoured.
By Mary A. Lawson
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